If you’ve seen photos of me with an adorable toddler tugging at my pant leg, you might be wondering how I have the audacity to write about gratitude for my infertility struggle. Please know I originally wrote this article back in 2015, at a time when the idea of motherhood was punctuated with a gigantic question mark. Everything worked out better than I could have imagined. And I’m incredibly blessed by the gift of my son, who finally arrived in 2018. Even with the knowledge of how this story unfolded, I stand behind what I wrote 100%. No matter what struggle you’re currently facing, I pray this article gives you a renewed sense of hope and belief in the seemingly impossible…
My ongoing battle for a baby certainly didn’t start out with a thankful heart. After two years of trying to conceive, I found myself severely depressed. The seemingly endless stream of baby announcements on Facebook and Instagram didn’t calm my bitterness or jealousy either. In the five years my husband and I had been married, we’d seen friends tie the knot, divorce, re-marry, and have their first baby as our struggle to become parents continued on.
So, how did it all change? It started with hitting rock bottom.
At the time, my personal style coaching business was only a side gig and I was primarily working as an Operations Manager for a family-owned company that decided to sell to a multi-million dollar corporation in the summer of 2013. I had never loved my full-time job. In fact, most days I was either bored stiff or stressed to the max, rarely a happy medium. But I enjoyed the stability and steady paycheck, both of which seemed in danger once the new management started taking over.
Lacking a solid Plan B, I had always figured I would have a baby and make the transition to being a stay-at-home mom. Suddenly, not only was my unfulfilling job in jeopardy, I didn’t even have the baby bump to fall back on.
What was I doing with my life?
It was in that moment of inquiry I realized I was looking for a baby to save me from my complacency and give my life meaning. So I turned to God and shifted my prayers from asking for a family to asking for a purpose.
I dedicated the next year and counting to getting to know myself and falling in love with my life and the parts of it I could control. First, I discovered life and mindset coaching through an online summit and knew it was the place to start my personal and professional overhaul. I became a Certified Transformational Coach and immediately began working with my clients at a deeper level beyond clothes and cosmetics to eliminate their inner critics and boost their confidence.
Next, a friend enrolled me in the World Works transformational trainings in Southern California. I traveled across the country over a dozen times within 8 months to complete the program and then volunteer as a coach while my husband went through it immediately after. I quit my corporate career in August 2014 and my whole life has taken a 180-degree turn.
Now, as a personal style and transformational coach, I truly feel like I’ve found my calling. My husband and I have a more connected and loving relationship than ever. I make my friends and family a priority. I’ve stepped way outside my comfort zone to try new adventures like aerials classes at a local circus school. I give wholeheartedly through volunteering and speaking as an ambassador with Dress for Success.
Most importantly, I finally love and accept myself as I am.
Through the transformational work that I’ve done, I learned to forgive, embrace my imperfections, love unconditionally, act as a leader, take empowering lessons from my experiences, and play full out. Now, having a baby will be like putting the cherry on top of an already deliciously satisfying ice cream sundae.
I don’t want to mislead you. It hasn’t been entirely rainbows and butterflies ever since. I’ve been stretched, challenged, faced fears, jumped hurdles, and shed some old skin through this ongoing evolution. I’ve had a lot of difficult, albeit honest conversations with important people in my life. I know who I am and what I want. I’m clear this is just the beginning of my story.
If you’re also going through infertility challenges, I encourage you to open your heart to the deeper messages God may be sending you. It’s important to take medical factors into consideration and ensure you’re doing everything to take care of your health as well. However, the key to overcoming my depression and obsession with having a baby was tuning into the spiritual nourishment I was really seeking.
It took releasing attachment to my personal agenda and becoming authentically open to the bigger plan God had in store.
By no means do I assume your story and mine are the same. Your results may not match my own. Although I’ve uncovered the secret to experiencing ultimate happiness today, I don’t mean to imply my desire to grow my family has evaporated along with my depression. Nor am I suggesting you abandon your dream of becoming a mother. I’ve simply found freedom in releasing the pause button on my life and living fully for the first time. I’m no longer waiting with baited breath until the stork arrives at my door.
Of course, my husband and I would still like to extend our family. The difference is that we no longer feel like we need to have a baby. We are creating the adventure, excitement, love, connection, and fulfillment we crave regardless of what we have or don’t have. And we will be better parents because of it.
If you’d like to know the exact 6-step process I used to see my undiagnosed infertility as a GIFT and how you can do the same (without investing in trainings halfway around the world or the need for a private coach), please send me a message and I’ll personally deliver a free copy of my e-book, The Infertility Gift, straight to your email.