Growing Your Confidence Is a SELFLESS Choice —Here’s Why


Confidence is a subject that comes up a lot in my business. I get asked about how we can feel more confident as women, mothers, and business owners on most of the podcast interviews I give. The #1 result reported by every single one of the Personal Color Palette clients I’ve surveyed is a boost in their confidence since discovering their best colors. The women inside my Wardrobe Refresh Program joined with the goals to grow more confident in showing up for their careers and getting dressed each day. I think it’s safe to say that we all want to feel confident.

But there’s also a stigma around confidence. We don’t want to come across as arrogant or conceited. We don’t want to spend too much time on developing our wardrobes or caring for ourselves. I’m going to generalize for a moment here; as women we feel a good amount of unnecessary guilt. As long as our kids are fed and well-dressed, it doesn’t really matter what we look or feel like. As long as the work gets done, it doesn’t matter if we run ourselves into the ground to do it.

So I want to offer you a revelation that came to me about confidence. When this thought occurred to me, it kind of blew my mind, because I had never made this connection before or heard anyone speak about confidence in this way. It’s a critical message for you to understand:

Growing your confidence is a SELFLESS choice.

Inside today’s episode, I’m sharing a training pulled straight from my program to explain why. I’ll share my definition of confidence, why you can start looking at it as an act of service to others, and why being confident matters so deeply.

This is not about vanity or materialism. It’s about showing up fully in your life for the ones you love. Let’s dive in and discover why.

Confidence: Defined

Let’s start with a conversation about what confidence actually is and why it matters. I’m going to define confidence in a way you probably haven’t heard before. This is coming from a revelation I had about 2 years ago. I was giving a podcast interview and the host asked me what I saw as the difference between confidence and arrogance.

The way I look at confidence is having an unshakeable inner sense of security, enabling you to focus out on others and be present in each moment.

Confidence is a selfless act. It allows you to no longer be caught up in your own worries and concerns and give the ones you’re with your full attention.

The Difference Between Confidence and Insecurity

The way I see insecurity is having an uncertain sense of inner security, which keeps you internally focused, hesitant, and worried about what others think.

We’ve all experienced this feeling at one time or another. In keeping with our main topic of getting dressed, you’ve probably found yourself feeling insecure about an outfit or two. And you know when you’re not feeling your most secure, you get distracted, worrying others will think your outfit looks too tight or off-trend or wrinkled. You might be stressing over your makeup application or your bad hair day.

No matter the circumstances, you were likely focused more on yourself and your own self-doubt than you were present to whoever you were with or whatever you were doing. Insecurity is a selfish mindset, because it keeps us inwardly focused and unable to give 100% to whatever it is we’re meant to be doing.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

On the other end of the spectrum, we have arrogance. The difference here is that arrogance is having an inflated sense of inner security, which keeps you internally focused, prideful, and putting yourself above others.

You’re probably noticing a pattern here. On each end of the confidence scale, we have insecurity and arrogance, both of which are inwardly focused. Whether you’re worried what others are thinking about you or you’re thinking more highly of yourself than others, both of these mindsets can cause issues in our relationships and lives.

Why Is Confidence Necessary?

Confidence allows us to be present. When you feel comfortable in your own skin and your clothing and with who you are, you can show up fully and focus out on others.

Confidence also enables you to care for others well. Confidence is contagious and it draws people to you. When you exude confidence, people will look to you as a leader. You’ll be able to give others your full attention and make them feel seen and heard. This is such an attractive and admirable quality to possess and set as an example for your friends, family, coworkers, and community.

Confidence helps you to live fully. I don’t want you to hesitate to go to an event because you have nothing to wear or avoid going after what you want for fear of what others will think of you. It’s time to go for the promotion, make the new friend, attract a partner, land the client. And you can do all of this in an easier way when you show up with confidence.

Confidence leads you to be the main character in your life. When you can embrace a sense of confidence, you’ll find that you stop playing small and living on the sidelines.

Confidence helps you create more positive experiences. When you are not caught up in insecurity or arrogance, you will live in a more engaged way, attracting positive people and experiences to you.

Confidence attracts what you want. Like attracts like and when you show up in a confident manner, you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by more positive and empowering relationships and reaching for even bigger goals and dreams. I want you to have this unshakeable zest for life!

Confidence Is a Choice

Confidence and being a confident person is a choice. You can choose right now, in this moment, to show up with confidence. You don’t need a brand new wardrobe, flawless skin, or a trendy haircut. You don’t need to wait for anything outside of you. You can start showing up as the confident woman you want to be. Stop waiting for things to change and ignite the shift yourself. It’s not easy, but you can make the decision today to show up with more confidence.


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